" LOVEMUSCLE 5APRIL - THE FAT LADY SANG...
'And now, the end is near, it's time to face those big beef curtains… Yes, last weekend saw the end of an era, and the end of Yvette's reign as temptress of the testicles, and princess of the penis at LOVE MUSCLE. Across the capital, people came to The Fridge in Brixton to wave her and her troops off, but before they disappeared for good, there was one last show to put on. The audience (and we're talking an absolutely crammed full house here) were mesmerised.

Yvette burst onto stage with her soon-to-be-naked gang in tow, and proceeded to order each one of them to strip. No sooner had the show started than there were more cocks on display, and more balls swinging around than anyone knew what to do with. It must also come as some relief to the strippers that Love Muscle is off, 'cause some of those dongers were tied so tight at the base, the poor things were practically going purple. Not that that put Yvette off though - she certainly made sure each and every one got a good seeing off. Or should that be ‘sucking’? From the dancefloor to the balcony, even to the reception area outside, there were a mass of people, with the club being even busier than New Year's Eve in some people's opinions. ‘I've got to come and stand in reception for some fresh air’, one sweaty clubber told us, ‘It's rammed in there!’

So, with such a huge turnout, can this really mean the end of a 12-year institution? Well, we spoke to promoter Nat, and she had at least some comforting words for the Love Muscle faithful. ‘It is a shame that things are ending,’ she told us, ‘but you never know, there might be a few one-offs in the future.’ We hope she's right, 'cause the south London scene without Love Muscle is like Yvette without a cock in her hand… something that's almost inconceivable."    www.boyz.co.uk

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